- See your child as an adult.
This is also a learning process for you and not just
for your child. All caring and loving parent(s) experience
readjustments to the "empty nest." College can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments,
and most of all, mistakes. College is full of discovery, inspiration, good
times, and people.
It takes a while for students to accept that being unhappy, afraid, confused,
and disliking people and making mistakes are all part of college—all part
of growing up. Your
child needs to be allowed to grow up. It takes a while for parents to accept
this. You'll be tempted to call or seek answers on their behalf or to solve their problems for them. This isn't a good idea. It's better for the student to
seeks the answers, figure out the solutions and ask for advice. No
one can help a person who is kept in a perpetual state of adolescence.
- Trust them.
Don't go behind his/her back. Your child is going
through a difficult enough process in discovering who he/she is without feeling that the
people whose opinions they respect the most are second-guessing them. If your child finds out you have gone behind
his/her back to see how he/she is performing academically, he/she sees this as an act
of distrust. Talk with your child not the Marshall Community and Technical College Advising Center
or the
instructors. All students
have a right to privacy guaranteed them by law. Insisting on
obtaining such private information is illegal. All advisors or instructors must have written permission from the student
to share any personal information concerning their performance or behavior.
- Expect change.
College, and the experiences associated with it,
can cause changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior and choices. You can’t stop change, you may not ever understand
it, but it is within your power to accept it. This doesn't necessarily mean
your child will change radically and that you won't recognize this "new
adult" in your life.
Also, expect your child to change
their major or switch colleges. This often occurs. Be patient.
- Contact your child.
You aren't being a bother by calling or e-mailing
them a message. If they don't contact you after a long period of time,
contact them just to let
them know you are alive, are concerned about them and would like to chat. Usually when they get into a social or
academic bind, they will likely seek your help and please, listen to them when they call.
You should not get discouraged when you hear about
many of the "bad" experiences at first because things get much
better. Students eventually learn "the system." When students call with problems, it's better to
provide support and a listening ear than to supply solutions. If
your child lives at home, make a dinner date with them to catch up.
- Don’t worry too much about depressing phone calls and letters.
When troubles become too
much for a student to handle (a flunked test, a missed deadline, and a
shrunken t-shirt all in one day), the only places to turn, write, or dial is
home. Often, unfortunately, this is the only time that the student has the urge to
talk to you. So, you may never hear about the “A” paper or other triumphs. In these
"crisis" times,
your son or daughter wants to only unload the trouble or tears while you inherit the burden of worry. Be
patient with these nothing-is-going-right, I-hate-this-place talks. You’re providing a real service as an advice dispenser or sympathetic
ear while remembering not to be tempted to "fix" the problem. If
needed, personal Counseling
Services are available. The Marshall Community and Technical College Advising Center
only offers academic advising.
- Ask your child questions.
Even though your child is "an adult," most still desire the
security of knowing that someone is interested in them. Parental curiosity can
be obnoxious and alienating or relief giving and supporting, depending on the
attitudes of the people involved. "I have a right-to-know"
questions should be avoided. However, honest inquiries
and other "between friends" communication and discussion will do much to
further the parent-student relationship.
- Visit your child (but
not too often).
Parent's Weekend is an opportunity for you to see your child and their new
environment. These visits give the
student a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his/her
worlds to each other. Additionally, it’s a way for parents to become
familiar with (and hopefully more understanding of) their student’s new
activities, commitments, and friends. Visits by parents (especially when accompanied by shopping sprees and/or
dinners out) are events that students are
reluctant to admit liking but greatly appreciate.
-
Refrain from telling the Advising Staff that
your child needs special treatment.
This is not a comment directed
at those with documented disabilities. The
collegiate experience is a growing period for the student. All students will be exposed to ideas, attitudes and values quite
contrary from their own. They may find that what he or she holds as intellectually sacred
may be examined and brutally bounced around. No student can expect to be placed in a cocoon
and protected from the ideas, attitudes and values of others.
- Place blame where it belongs
(which in not always on the advisors or instructors).
If you discover your child is on probation or will be suspended, don't
become angry with the advisors or instructors who gave them a failing grade.
Try to figure out if your child sought out the
services that could help (i.e., Tutoring
Services, Writing Center,
or Academic Skills Center). Did he or she
immediately seek help, does he or she accept the responsibility for
their grades, or did they
simply "go with the flow" and ignore the problem. If you practice the art of
denial for your child's responsibilities or always try to "fix" the situation for them, they will likely never reach adulthood.
If they missed an application or registration
deadline, don't blame the Marshall Community and Technical College staff.
Important dates are posted in several places (i.e., Schedule
of Courses,
the web, bulletin boards, and the Marshall Community and Technical College Advising Center). The age-old excuse
often said, "No one told me about
it?" What would happen if you used this excuse with your
boss?
-
Don't blame the Marshall Community and
Technical College for
their misbehavior.
Students are going to be subjected to situations, opportunities
and temptations in which they must be responsible
for their decisions. Some react by engaging in what you may see as foolish behavior and they view as
being "sophisticated." Please don't blame the Marshall
Community and Technical College staff because of the child's
inability to handle the many temptations. Marshall Community and Technical College cannot protect
your child from making errors in judgment. If they seek
acceptance by becoming very social, their grades will show it.
Associates
