Three guys pickin'

Pass up seconds on some movies

by RICHARD DRAKE
columnist

We here at 3GP love sequels. Really. We love sequels, and sequels to sequels, as long as they are good. The Alien Saga, Indiana Jones, Star Wars; all are great movies with great sequels. What's really been chapping our hides are sequels that never should have been made. Ever. Picture this, a great movie comes out, one of the best of its genre, then ten to twenty years later some joker thinks it's a good idea to make a sequel. And then they also have the nerve to do it when original cast members arenÕt able to contribute (like they pass away, or get too old, or were smart enough to stay far away.) And then the sequel sucks. Thus, the memory of the original is tarnished forever because of the trash that came out twenty years later. The trash, the crap, the horror.

Case number one: "The Blues Brothers." What a great movie. It is the best "Saturday Night Live" skit-turned-movie; John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd at their comedic best. It was also set and filmed in Chi-town, yo. Dayley Plaza, East 95th Street Bridge, Joliet Prison (not in Chicago), Lower Wacker Drive, 1060 West Addison (Wrigley Field for those not in the know), it's all there, it's all real, the way John Landis filmed it; it looked real, it was natural, it spoke to people. To this day, it is still one of the funniest movies ever made. That was 1980, those were the days. Fast forward to 1998. John Belushi is no longer with us, neither is Cab Calloway, Dan Aykroyd is no longer funny, and he and Landis decide to make "Blues Brothers 2000." So first off, it came out in '98, not 2000, it wouldn't be 2000 for two more years. Great title morons. Here at 3 Guys Pickin', "Blues Brothers 2000" will now and forever more be known as "Blues Brothers Crap-thousand." I do give them credit for bringing the whole original Blues Brothers Band back, but otherwise itÕs just a re-hash of many of the predicaments and scenarios from the classic original. Then they add the kid, John Goodman, to it and none of the songs are as good as before. Something so good is now tarnished. It's like the new Yoko Ono album that's coming out soon. Doesn't she realize she's trashing every good thing she did bef --oh wait, all her old stuff was excruciating anyway.

Case number two: "Caddyshack." It also came out in 1980, it's also one of the funniest movies ever made, also nearly ruined by a worthless sequel. "Caddyshack 2" known here at 3GP now and forever more as "Caddycrap 2," was released in 1988. While it doesn't reach that ten to twenty years after the original criteria, it's such a bad flick that we can grandfather it the two years it needs to make the time period. No Bill Murray, no Rodney Dangerfield, no Ted Knight, no Michael O'Keefe. Chevy Chase did return, I guess he needed some money that year. But Jackie Mason? Yep, he sure made up for Rodney not being there. Original writer-director Harold Ramis also did not return and it shows. Dan Aykroyd filled in for the Bill Murray-type role, and did a wonderfully horrible job. Good going Dan, you should have learned after this one and left the "Blues Brothers" alone.

Case numbers three, four and five: Three movies not yet released, but unfortunately will be soon. Two are sequels and one is a prequel/remake. The greatest sports movie ever made is apparently not immune to money-grabbing punks. George Roy Hill's ("The Sting," "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid") "Slapshot" came out in 1977. Starring Paul Newman, "Slapshot" chronicled the last season of a minor league hockey team, the Charlestown Chiefs.

ÒSlapshotÓ gave us not only a great hockey movie, but also one of the few sports movies to capture the true essence and magic of the sport and a team. It gave the world the Hanson Brothers, Newman's player-coach Reggie Dunlop, leading scorer of the Federal League Ned Braden, Hanrahan (and his wife), Ogie Ogilthorpe and defenseman Billy Charlebois from Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. So believe it or not, this summer they just wrapped filming on "Slapshot 2." No Newman, no one else. The Hansons are back. Okay thatÕs good. But starring ...? Well, they traded Paul Newman and Strother Martin for -- are you ready for this? Gary Busey and Stephen Baldwin?!? What the -- how could -- who the -- what?!? I have already chosen to boycott what is now known at 3GP forever more as "Crapshot 2." If it plays in Huntington, I hope you will join me in picketing and boycotting the movie and rise up against the evil and wrong practice of horrible sequels made ten to twenty years after the original.

Also coming soon is a sequel to "The Commitments," but without the lead singer or the manager-guy. Leave it alone people! The time for a "Slapshot" sequel was 1980; the time for a "Commitments" sequel was 1993.

And now after the "success" of "Hannibal," the "Silence of the Lambs" sequel, they are making "Red Dragon," the first Thomas Harris novel to have Dr. Hannibal Lechter, which is a prequel to "Silence." WhatÕs wrong with this is "Red Dragon" was already made in 1986 as "Manhunter," written and directed by Michael Mann ("Last of the Mohicans," "Heat," "The Insider"). In Manhunter, Lechter was played by Brian Cox (Uncle Argyle from "Braveheart") and he was a better Lechter than Anthony Hopkins, I might add. But everyone's just so ga-ga over Hopkins, he must be able to do the first movie, because Anthony Hopkins IS Hannibal Lechter! Morons, the lot of them. Also giving a brilliant performance in "Manhunter" and will be wiped away by the re-make is William L. Petersen. PetersenÕs movie debut was in "To Live and Die in L.A.," with "Manhunter" as his follow-up. Both were great films. You may know Petersen as Pat Garrett in "Young Guns II" (a quality sequel, by the way, if you're keeping track.

Richard Drake can receive comments at parthenon@marshall.edu.