3 Guys Pickin'

Barrymore bugs columnist

by RICHARD DRAKE
for The Parthenon

There are so many things in this world that bug me. Those who drive for miles and miles with their turn signal on, those Birkenschlock sandal things, people named Zeke, Trekkies (and those who claim to be "Trekkers," a faction of Trekkie life), dishonesty, people who treat those who are in a profession of customer service like crap -- these are a few of the things out there that bug me. Granted, there are more things out there that don't bug me. But don't we all seem to always focus on that thing which doth bug? Sure we do. Three Guys Pickin' proudly likes to focus on things that bug us. It's just plain fun.

When I think of all the things out there that bug me, I eventually get to what bugs me about movies. Now after loyally reading my column, you readers have probably figured out by now that I like movies. At least a little bit. I thoroughly enjoy going to the theaters and catching a flick; whether itÕs with others, or by myself, a trip to the theaters is always fun. Going to the movies is a two-hour block of time where you can let yourself enter another world and let the images on the screen take you to another place. And just when you have successfully transferred yourself and your thoughts to that other world, some punk kicks your seat, someone starts yapping or a cell phone rings. You turn around to say something but the gum on your seat holds you in place, then you want to stand up but your feet stick to the floor, and you still can't get up to say something.

Drew Barrymore bugs me. It's true, it's true. When I think on what bugs me concerning movies, inevitably the fact that Drew Barrymore bugs me always comes up. The kicker is that I can't even put a finger on exactly why she bugs me. She just does. Nearly every movies she has been in can be classified as and put in the crap file.

The only movie with Drew Barrymore I can watch on a regular basis without thinking, "Hey, that's Drew Barrymore, she bugs me," is "The Wedding Singer." There are so many elements that go into that flick that the Drew Barrymore factor doesn't apply. First, it's a darn funny movie. It's easily one of Sandler's best roles. He not only portrays the broken-hearted nice guy extremely well, but his scenes on the microphone as the wedding singer were also pure gold. You throw in the Jon Lovitz cameo, Steve Buscemi, who's always solid, the grandma rap and a killer soundtrack and you have a really neat flick. You don't even notice that Julia is Drew Barrymore!

The only other movies of hers I can watch were made when she was just a wee little tike, before she reached the stages of bugging. "E.T." is one of those. Now I don't have the fondness for that movie that a lot of people have, but I like it. I haven't yet decided if I'll go see it when it's re-released in theaters next year. (Great choice Spielberg, I'm sure you need the money.) As a matter of fact, I think the best thing about that flick is the cameo made by the Star Wars action figures that Elliott introduces to E.T. The other flick of pre-bug stage Drew Barrymore that I can watch is 1984's "Firestarter," based on a Stephen King book. I just love anything with George C. Scott and a little girl who can start fires without benefit of a lighter or a match.

Everything else Drew has done is just not appealing. She was in the second-worst "Batman" flick, which helped contribute to the downfall of that franchise, "Never Been Kissed" was annoying enough with her in it, but when you add Mr. Annoying himself, David Arquette my stars, what a piece of annoying filmmaking!

And then there's "Charlie's Angels" ... what about this movie wasn't bad? Off the top of my head, Bill Murray is the only thing that comes to mind. He made it somewhat bearable. That guy is a legend. Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu made good Angels. But Drew Barrymore? I cringed whenever she had a speaking part; I nearly shut my eyes whenever she appeared on screen. Every time all three angels were running somewhere together, wasn't she always last, about five to ten yards behind the others? I think so. She bugs me.

I won't end this article without mentioning that "Ever After" flick. Now a live-action Cinderella story is a cool concept. But little Drew is no Cinderella. When she says that line, "Just breathe," a shiver runs down my spine (in a bad way), it just bugged me. A pal of mine pointed out how the young Cinderella at the beginning of the movie had a much better accent and was a better Cinderella than Drew. Which led me to this; they should have gone ahead and filmed that first thirty minutes or so with the little girl as young Cinderella. Then, they needed to shutdown production for about ten years and pick up the rest of the film when that girl is about seventeen or eighteen, so as to avoid using Drew Barrymore.

So, Drew's new movie, "Riding in Cars With Boys Down the Street Past the McDonalds, etc. etc.," is out. Others have told me that they liked it and it was a good flick. But I have to invoke the Drew Factor. Don't see it, she'll bug you.

I know there are a lot of other folks who for whatever crazy reasons they've come up with, happen to be Drew Barrymore fans. Let me set the record straight, I don't hold any malice towards Drew or her Barry-ites. Like her if you want to. She just happens to be in the group of things about the movies and going to the movies that bugs me.

Richard Drake saw enough Drew Barrymore in "E.T." to last him the rest of his life. Comments can be sent to him at parthenon@marshall.edu.