Upon Further Review

by EVAN BEVINS

Sometimes video is the way to go

I don't believe in DVDs.

I mean, I believe they exist. I've seen them with my own eyes, watched as they took up more and more space on store shelves. But I do not have a DVD player and I do not really want to get one any time soon.

I can hear the questions now: Are you nuts? Do you even have a CD player? Or are you still listening to cassettes? Or eight-tracks?

Actually, I have a decent CD collection although my car is equipped only with a tape player. I learned when I was writing the police blotter for the Herald-Dispatch that having a CD player in your car is comparable to hanging a "Rob Me" sign on your windshield.

Well, that and the stores actually want you to pay for CD players.

But, to me at least, DVDs are not as superior to video tapes as CDs are to audio tapes. I say "to me" because I know some people really like them. My fellow columnist Richard Drake recently pointed out some great-looking DVDs.

Hey, whatever floats your boat. Water floats mine; that's how boring I am.

One of the main reasons I don't like DVDs is because commercials keep telling me how much I should love them. That's also why I didn't like the Chicago Bulls when Michael Jordan was playing and why I could care less about the Playstation 2, XBox or Game Cube. No video game achievement will ever top "Super Mario Bros. 3" or "Super Tecmo Bowl" in my book anyway.

Besides none of the arguments for DVDs have worked on me so far.

Naturally finances are a consideration. Why should I pay for a new DVD player when all my favorite movies are sitting on a shelf in the form of VHS tapes, tapes which fit perfectly into my already-paid-for VCR?

DVDs are usually more expensive than tapes. At a certain large retail store this weekend, I compared prices. I did find some DVDs of movies both good ("The Net") and excruciatingly not good ("The Replacement Killers") for less than $10. Most of them were in the $15-$20 or more range.

I get most of my movies previously viewed from video stores these days. The prices are great. This summer alone, I bought "Bless the Child," "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle," "Bye Bye Love," "The Legend of Bagger Vance," Jackie Chan's "Miracles" and "Mighty Ducks 3" for less than $40 total.

Sure, DVDs have better audio and video, but I've never noticed a big enough difference to make me want to spend the extra money.

Sometimes tapes have a line of static here and there. Big deal. I remember watching "Meet the Parents" and "The Legend of Bagger Vance" on DVD. Both of those skipped and messed up more than any videotape I've watched recently.

And special features? Sure, they're tempting, but I have not heard of too many DVDs that had anything that would really enhance my viewing experience.

I mean, how many movies really need director commentary? Take "Charlie's Angels" for instance -- "In this scene we focused on Cameron and Drew's breasts because guys like to look at them. We used the same rationale when filming the scene where Lucy Liu bends over." Please.

And deleted scenes? They can be stuck on at the end of a tape, like they did with the "X-Men" movie. And these scenes were deleted for a reason. Unless there was some bad editing, you probably don't need them to understand the movie.

Some DVDs do have impressive extras, like the "Shrek" re-voice feature that allows kids to record their voices into certain scenes. But that's primarily a child's attraction. Would people really pay extra to be able to stick their voices into select movie scenes?

"As Good As It Gets" -- my favorite movie -- has great lines, but I'm comfortable with letting Jack Nicholson say, "Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here" when I watch my tape. I can interject it into conversations on my own later.

"Final Fantasy" has an intriguing "re-editing" feature, but I'm only shelling out $20 for that puppy if it has a "re-write" feature too.

Even if the features are great, I don't want to have to replace my existing movies because of them, and that goes for VHS too. George Lucas released the "Star Wars" special edition in theaters about a month after I got the THX remastered videos.

The movies are classics as they are. No matter how interesting the new scenes may be (I sure was excited when Luke Skywalker talked to a guy in a hangar, how about you?) I'm not going to shell out more money for a marginally improved product.

I'm not saying you shouldn't buy DVDs if you really like them. I know we'll all eventually have to convert if and when they replace VHS. But, for now anyway, don't feel like they're automatically better just because commercials tell you they are.

If you don't agree with this column, I can respect that. Just respect my archaic opinions too.

Besides you might like the expanded two-volume version of this column better. It comes with an alternate ending, a "writing-of" featurette and running commentary by Parthenon editor Courtney Bailes (sample dialogue: "Huh?") all for the low, low price of $29.99.

Evan Bevins can be reached at parthenon@marshall.edu.

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Columnist Richard Drake made his own statements about DVDs.