Opinion

How Holley sees it

by HOLLEY BARKER

Women can be angels or devils

Women are vicious without doubt, but there may be hope. A few weeks ago, a stranger did the most honorable thing imaginable by voluntarily passing me a wad of toilet paper underneath the stall door of a public restroom. Not only did she pass the paper before I'd even realized my dire situation, but said "Here you go honey" while doing so -- a feat so amazing for a woman that it left me a bit bewildered.

I mean, who was this masked woman and where did she come from? I guess it can only be presumed it was a girl because the face of this angelic creature was never revealed, but going on location and voice tone my money's on the gentler sex.

Nonetheless, it was a monumental step for girls everywhere. Just imagine the possibility of never having to drip dry again -- a serious concern for most women.

It was a kind act -- maybe a little too sweet if you ask me. So, I became slightly suspicious of this random act of kindness, deciding that weighing the typical female nature on this one moment and completely forgetting past experiences was probably a rash decision.

Then, it all came back to me. I vaguely recalled those gifts all women instinctively tend to share. You know, the ones where girls turn wicked witch for no rhyme or reason and above all else prove a certain likeness to an alley cat in a fight. I'm not sure about all the other girls in the world, but I officially know I've never been de-clawed.

So, I shrugged off my good experience, decided it just had to do with the alignment of the planets or something and went about my everyday life. Then, one day out of nowhere, it happened again -- a girl was nice to me just for the heck of it.

I was in the student center cafeteria getting ready to buy dinner when I realized my money was still in the newsroom. My frantic digging through pockets and asking the lady at the cash register not to ring me up yet was suddenly interrupted.

"Sweetheart, do you need some money?," a voice rung out like a cathedral bell signifying all things good and pure in the world.

This can't be happening again, I thought to myself. It's just not the way the world works. The whole experience was just too surreal. I refrained from taking the money, but my gosh was it ever a nice gesture.

After that instance, my faith in women was restored anew. No longer did it matter if she was prettier, thinner or smarter, we were now united in kindness. My claws sunk back inside my paws and life was peaceful and good.

Well, for at least a few days anyway.

With my guard down this past weekend, I waited in line for the restroom with a friend at a local bar. When we neared the front of the line, my friend saw someone she used to know, not necessarily someone she liked.

As soon as my friend entered her stall the other girl snarled, "Hey, how ya doing. See you've lost a lot of weight since high school."

Now, that's the typical girl response I'm used to.

I was contemplating punching her, right then and there, but decided against it for my own welfare. After all, it was a nice club and at some point I figured I'd want to go back.

The whole incident didn't really ruffle my feathers too much because it's just one of those things girls say to one another to boost our egos. Hey, at least my theory on women hasn't gone completely astray -- we'll always be a little mean.

Comments may be sent to parthenon@marshall.edu.