That doesn’t mean you need to fear it, though. At some time or other in your time at Marshall, you will have interactions with other people which do not go as well as you would have liked. Sometimes, you may feel that you are being attached personally, and that is when you are tempted to lash out in anger or fear. When you have those strong feelings, it can make it difficult for you to hear what someone else is trying to say. And in extreme situations, such confrontation can make you feel threatened and fearful about your personal well-being and your ability to function.
Some common situations you might find yourself experiencing conflict with others might include:
Differences with roommates about rules for your room
Disagreements about advice or wants from others
Miscommunications with roommates, partners, family, etc
Challenges from friends, staff, or faculty
Differences of opinion when in discussion with peers, or when academics gets too ‘personal’
But the great things is that you can often prevent minor conflicts from becoming more serious simply by changing the way in which you communicate.
Conflict is an opportunity, not just a threat
Two common reasons people get into conflict are:
They do not communicate clearly or listen respectfully
They have different needs or interests which, without some negotiation, do not easily co-exist
As you navigate your time here at Marshall University, we recommend you look at different ways you can communicate with others and turn conflicts into opportunities.
Communication is a 3-Step Process
Send clear messages – verbal and non-verbal communication count. Think about what you want to say, and how it may be understood (or misunderstood).
Receive messages – what is heard is part fact and part feeling. You need to be clear on both levels. When you are listening, pay attention to facts and feelings, as you should address both.
Acknowledge messages – you can only be sure that you’ve communicated when the listener gives acknowledgement confirming their understanding. As a listener, try summarizing what you have heard and ask questions to seek clarification.
Tips to Resolving Conflict
Respect the other person’s needs as well as your own. You have valid issues that need to be addressed, and they do as well. This may not be obvious at first, but pay attention during the interaction and acknowledge these needs.
Have you ever played the game ‘Telephone’ where the first person whispers a phrase to another person, and so on and so on, and by the end the original sentence is completely changed? This happens in conflict as well. Tackle the problem directly with the other person. Going through others can only serve to escalate the conflict or lead to further misunderstandings. Avoid involving others or asking people to take a side. While it can be useful to check your perceptions, avoid doing so if you are merely looking for confirmation of your own views.
Point out this distinction reinforces the idea that each person should be treated with respect. Your issues are more likely to be resolved if you refrain from personal attacks which embarrass or ridicule the other person.
If you don’t give the other person the opportunity to finish what they have to say, you can create further misunderstanding. You may also want to check for understanding from both parties before moving onto the next topic.
Look for mutually satisfying agreements. If you offer a solution that only benefits you, it’s not going to work. There doesn’t always have to be a winner and a loser, you can work towards solutions that benefit both parties, without giving an advantage to either.
Sometimes we dig our heels in when it comes to working through conflict. You may think “I won’t forgive them until they do xyz…” But if you focus on the mutual interests you both have, instead of the positions you both have, you’ll be able to effectively work through conflict. If you both have the position of “I am right,” you won’t get anywhere. If you both instead focus on the same interest, “I want to resolve this conflict,” you’ll be more open to different ideas and are more likely to find an effective solution to your conflict.