Setting Boundaries in College
Adapted from heathline.com “The No BS Guide to Protecting Your Emotional Space”
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are limits that you set with others, and they are essential to healthy relationships. Boundaries can be mental, physical, or emotional. Practicing the skill of setting boundaries with certain people, like close friends and family, can be tough to navigate, but are important for success in life, including your time at Marshall University. You can set boundaries for a variety of things, including:
- personal space
- sexuality
- emotions and thoughts
- stuff or possessions
- time and energy
- culture, religion, and ethics
How can you set boundaries?
Be Assertive
You can set boundaries that feel firm but kind to others by using assertive language. One way to do this is by using “I Statements.”
“I fell _____ when _____ because ______________. What I need is ______________________.”
These statements can exhibit confidence while helping you to express your thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
| Effective Communication | Ineffective Communication |
|---|---|
| I feel violated when you use my laptop without asking me because I value privacy. What I need is a space where I know my privacy is respected. | Quit using my laptop! |
| I feel overwhlemed when plans are made for me that I’m not aware of. What I need is to be included in decisions when it comes to my social calendar. | I don’t care that you said we would go. I’m not going. |
Learn to Say No
“No” is a complete sentence. So why is it so hard to say?
For many people, saying “no” is packed with guilt. You may be afraid of disappointing someone, or even growing up, saying “no” may have been considered backtalk and sometimes even lead to negative reinforcement. However, you should work on the ability to say “no,” as it is an appropriate and positive response.
By just saying “no” you aren’t providing any emotional labor for the benefit of others, which can benefit your own personal health and well-being.
Some reasons you should say no:
In a work situation, it can be particularly difficult to say no. Your job may require you to oblige when superiors delegate tasks to you. But that doesn’t mean your time and energy are less valuable than theirs.
Use your self-advocacy skills to step up and say no. Your decision should not be based on guilt or obligation.
Safeguard Your Spaces
You can also set boundaries for your stuff, physical and emotional spaces, and your time and energy without actually announcing it, too.
The features on your tech devices offer some ways of doing this. Try some of these tips:
- Put private items in a locked drawer or box.
- Use password-protected digital journals instead of a paper one.
- Schedule along time or time when you’re just doing your own thing.
- Use passwords, codes, or other security features on devices or accounts.
- Set a cut-off time for answering emails, texts, or calls.
- Use the “out of office” feature on email.
- Temporarily delete emails and messaging apps when you don’t want to be contacted.
- Use the Do Not Disturb feature on your phone and other devices.
- Make a promise to yourself not to respond to messages or calls during certain times or from certain people.